right confidant

Choosing the Right Confidant & How to Spot Those Who Are Not

By Eryka T. Johnson

Do you have someone, a confidant, you are able to open up to about things going on your life? Someone who you don’t mind being real with because you know they will not judge you or scandalous your name. Well, in today’s world you have to be careful about who you share everything with because not every friend is a trusted friend. In today’s article, we will discuss choosing the right confidant and how to spot those who are not from a mile away.

My husband and I were having a real tough time in our relationship. I felt over-worked and stretched way too thin. And, he wanted more of me to himself to enjoy without the kids or my work taking away my attention. We had a serious dilemma and there was no way to get around the frustrations of balancing it all and still having the energy to meet each other’s needs at night. So, I encouraged my husband to find a wiser gentleman to speak with about our situation and see what kind of wisdom this person could offer us.

I was confident that my husband was a good judge of character and would have no problem spotting the right person to confide in about our situation. He found someone who was close to our family and who he felt comfortable enough with to open up his heart.

It was a complete disaster!

Not only did the gentleman betray my husband’s trust by discussing our situation with everyone he knew and we knew too, but he denied ever repeating it to anyone. Our most private talk had turned into the hot topic at the prayer meeting as well as at the dinner table. It was totally embarrassing and hurtful at the same time. We both were lost for words.

Because of this situation, both my husband and I are more cautious about the people we share our deepest struggles with as a couple. And, that has worked well for us since this situation. So, let me share a few things that will help you choose the right confidant and save yourself the heartache of the wrong person knowing your business…

  • What is the person’s track record? If a person has a history of being a “bladder mouth” or “not able to hold water”, please don’t think things will change with your situation.
  • Is the person a gossip? If they gossip to you, they will gossip about you.
  • How does this person interact with their significant other? For women, we typically absorb and reflect the atmosphere in our homes. If the wife is never happy, her relationship with her husband is probably not a good one as well.
  • How is this person’s outlook on life? If they view everything in life as doom and gloom, they will view your situation as the same. A negative person will never give you hope or wise advice.

There are other signs to watch out for but please be sure to use instincts. Typically, your instincts never lie. If something feels funny, this is probably not the person to open up to about your struggles.

If I can prevent another woman from suffering humiliation because she did not choose the right confidant, I will do just that. A confidant is supposed to be a trusted friend that you have confidence in to protect you.

Have you ever chosen the wrong person to confide in and it backfired? I want to hear about it, please comment below.

Eryka T. Johnson