By Eryka T. Johnson
Life is NOT always a bed of roses or even a party. We ALL face challenges and need solutions to handling our everyday issues. So never think that you are alone. As women, we struggle with everything from finances, marriage and relationships, family, weight loss, health, and the list goes on. Because we are “everything to everybody” it often requires us to lean on the wisdom and strength of other women to make it through.
As I continue to help women be their best self, today I’m addressing a concern from one powerful woman in our community Tina from Nigeria. Read, as I help her gain clarity and direction to get through a very challenging emotional time in her life.
You have been a source of inspiration to me and many others. May the good Lord continue to increase you in every area of your life and family and increase you in wisdom and understanding.
Eryka my whole world is crumbling right in front of me and it’s with heavy tears and heart that I am writing you this email.
The whole journey began in January 2011 when I got married to a guy who is based in Austria while I was in my final year of school. Immediately after the wedding, our great God blessed us with the fruit of the womb. 2 months into the marriage, my so-called husband left to his base and I was left alone with the pregnancy all by myself with the help of my wonderful family.
When it was time to deliver, I had a still birth. My whole life was something else. I began to ask God “why?” This was about the same period I was supposed to sit for my final exams but due to the scenario I couldn’t sit for them. Also during this period, my husband came back and spent 4 weeks with me and took off to his base leaving me behind to face the trauma alone. He asked me to apply for a visa which I did but couldn’t get it. That was 2012 and that same year I decided to re-register for my exams.
Eryka each time I am writing any paper I keep forgetting all I have read. With this, I had 5 carry over courses. I could not graduate from school till now that I’m writing you this mail which means all my five years in school was a waste. And, this has been limiting me career wise.
Eryka have been married for 3 good years. I have never enjoyed my so-called husband and marriage. To crown it all, he was supposed to visit home this Christmas since he left me January 1st this year. Now, he told me he can’t make the journey that he doesn’t have money for the trip.
I’m so confused! I feel like the whole world is just crumbling on me. I’m married and living like a single. I have various bad thoughts on my mind and am not happy. I need a solution to all this stuff in my life.
Eryka, I need you to come to my rescue as I am losing my mind and my sanity. I am left alone all by myself. I don’t know if God Almighty is seeing all my tribulations for just a marriage of 3 years. Yet, I prayed earnestly before I got married. Tina from Nigeria.
I’m so sorry to hear about the challenges you have been facing since 2011. I know what it feels like to be facing traumatic life situations and feeling there is no one there to help.
First, I want to encourage you NOT to lose hope or faith. God takes everything we go through in life (good times & bad times) and make them work for our good as they build our character and strengthen our foundation of faith. He has NOT left you.
I pray right now that God would give you clarity and all the negative chatter going on in your mind is silenced. Proverbs 14:30 tells us…”A sound mind makes for a robust body, but runaway emotions corrode the bones. “May you have peace in your mind.
Here are the steps to take in the next 30 days:
- Get clear on what you really want. What would make you happy right now in your marriage and in school?
- Have a face-to-face meeting with your spouse, in fact, a heart-to-heart talk with him. You both need to discuss how you will make this marriage work or if you can in fact make it work? What steps you need to take to live under one roof as husband & wife permanently? (If you can’t get a VISA maybe he should try to get one)
- Seek out some grief counseling to help you deal with the loss of your child. I’ve had friends who have lost full-term babies and it was a dark time for both of them. It will help you to sit down and talk to someone about the emotions you’re experiencing around what happened and how to properly move on.
Tina, as you begin working through your marriage and emotional challenges, you will find that it will allow you to focus better on your studies so that you can complete your coursework.
In the meantime Tina, this article may help you http://erykatjohnson.com/how-to-get-rid-of-any-problem-in-your-life-for-good/
If you are facing a personal challenge, respond and let me know. I’ll help a few of you figure out your next steps to take within 30 days.
Eryka T. Johnson