Stop People-Pleasing: Overcome Burnout with Strong Boundaries
As female engineers, we’re often praised for our ability to juggle multiple roles…whether it’s managing a project, leading a team, or supporting colleagues. But somewhere along the way, we’ve been conditioned to say "yes" far more often than is healthy. The need to please others, gain approval, or avoid conflict becomes ingrained and slowly erodes any boundaries.
I remember sitting at my desk, feeling the weight of exhaustion pressing down on me like a heavy fog. My mind was racing, jumping from one task to the next, knowing that sleep wasn’t coming easy with all these deadlines looming over me.
The gap closure plan for the inspection programs wasn’t going to finish itself. I still had to query the databases for equipment counts and inspection records, assign work to the inspectors and data entry techs, and somehow pull together a senior leadership presentation outlining status, risks, and next steps.
Each task felt like a mountain to climb, and the sheer number of people relying on me for clear direction was overwhelming. The deadlines were tight, and the pressure was intense. If only I had pushed back, set some boundaries, and not committed to such unrealistic timelines.
People-pleasing is like a slow leak in a pipeline. It might go unnoticed at first, but over time, it drains your energy, compromises your peace, and blurs the lines between where your responsibilities end and others’ begin. When you’re constantly putting others’ needs above your own, your work-life harmony is the first to suffer.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of people-pleasing, especially in a male-dominated industry where you might feel the pressure to prove your worth. But the truth is, this behavior is not sustainable. It leaves you burnt out, anxious, and disconnected from your own needs.
What should you do? I’m so glad you asked.
The first step to reclaiming your energy and peace is setting clear boundaries for yourself and others. This isn’t about being harsh or unapproachable; it’s about recognizing your worth and protecting your mental and emotional space.
Identify the situations where you feel the need to please.
Ask yourself why to gain clarity on the root cause.
Is it to avoid conflict?
Is it to be liked?
Is it to feel needed?
Is it to gain approval from your manager?
Begin to set boundaries that align with your values and priorities.
Every time you say "no" to something that drains you, you’re saying "yes" to yourself.
You’re preserving your energy, protecting your peace, and ultimately becoming a more effective, fulfilled engineering leader in industry.
Are there any boundaries you need to set?